God has the power to show you who's God!

God is so good all the time, and all the time God is good. Be encouraged! There is nothing that you can't give to God that he can't solve. I've been in Sacramento for about 4 days and already God is already working wonders in my life. Keep in mind that this a city that I have never lived in and one in which I know only a handful of people. It is the state capitol and about two hours north of Merced, where I have been living for the past 4 years and also about 2 hours east of the San Francisco Bay Area, where my aunt and uncle live with my cousins. So although I've been to the capitol to visit, on several occasions, I have never actually been here for any extended period of time.



Nevertheless, after graduation I was a little concerned. I wouldn't say I was worried, but I was a little discombobulated because I had planned to received at least $1000 in graduation money and also to work at UCM in Campus Tours until my summer internship started. So when that didn't work out not only was I looking STUPID, but I was also wondering how I would be able to pay my bills and get by until I began my internship. So by the grace of God, I scraped by, all throughout the month of May and half of June, with my little bit of savings and with the help of my Dad and Uncle whom I love sooo much! And so after scraping by May and June, I was seriously in debt and behind on many bills when I moved into my new apartment for the summer, in Sacramento.



So when I came to Sac I was already at a a negative and wondering how I would pay for my internship fees, luxury apartment, bills, and various living expenses. All the while, I was doing my best to stay positive, be optimistic, make phone calls, and work my magic. When you meet God half way you can't fail. You have to always remember to plan ahead because when you plan to fail you fail to plan AND of course me being the organized, thoughtful, forward looking man that I am, I have been planning for this summer since February, when I had got back from DC. So I was putting things into motion all year for this summer so that I wouldn't be looking like BOO BOO the FOOL! LOL! But nevertheless things weren't working out as I had hoped and my internship advisor had informed me that my payment for the program was due and that if I wasn't going to be able to pay then I might have to drop out of the program.



So he asked me to compose a letter (which I did, in a matter of 2 hours) and send it to him explaining in detail what's going on. Beloved when you do what God has called you to do then there is no way you can fail. God did not lift you up to let you down. Thank you God for seeing me through and giving me the wherewithal, know how, and energy to go forth as ye have called. I know that I serve an awesome God who has blessed me infinitely! So I composed the letter, sent it through and he told me that he would forward it to the appropriate individuals and make some phone calls. That night I took to some serious prayer and was connecting with the universe in ways that I never knew that I could. My spirit was in tuned with a higher power and I was focused on a positive outcome which was me getting what I wanted, being able to pay for my various expenses, live comfortably, and garner this summer experience for all that it is worth. Beloved I tell you no sooner then I had given it to God my advisor was calling me in the office to discuss my status.



Now I didn't know what he was going to say. Part of me was ready to pack my bags at a moments notice! lol! But when you are working for the Lord on His mission, He will make a way out of no way! My advisor informed me that he had taken care of the situation, that everything would be paid for, and that I needn't worry because I was going to have a great summer and learn more than I could imagine and I got so excited I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was ecstatic! The power of the Lord just rushed through my body and I was jittery and running all over the place. I simply just couldn't believe that God had worked out that situation that fast! The presence of God was just all around me and it felt magnificent.



Now the reason I wanted to share this with you is because I know a lot of people right now are going through some tough situations. This recession has got everyone down and programs and services are getting cut left and right. People are losing jobs, homes, cars, and everything else. Businesses are closing down, sales are going down, and it seems really dismal. But I want you to know that everything happens for a season and that God is the one in control. He has allowed all of this to happen for a reason and a purpose and it is so divine that we could not began to imagine what He has in store for us. I want you all to know that I serve a mighty God who knows everything in the universe and who is perfect. If you believe in Him and what He can do then He will work wonders in your life. I know that no recession is to bad for God to fix. No job is out of His reach. There is nothing that He can't fix, heal, or repair. And they that trust in God shall be like Mount Zion, they will not be moved and not be afraid. I will not be moved by what man has done and I refuse to be afraid for the future. God is still in control of my life and He has a purpose for me. I am trusting in the Lord and I know that he will fulfill my destiny. There is no name as sweet as Jesus!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
Love, Hope, and Peace

A New Beginning

It is the beginning of Summer 2009 and as summer and winter breaks are often the best times for me to post my thoughts to this blog I have a few thoughts that I would like to share. A lot has been going on in my life and I have been keeping a lot on my chest and as is often said by those who are much wiser than I am, it is not healthy to keep to much on your chest. It is my sincerest hope that in my sharing the events and experiences going on in my life through this blog I can not only inform others but also touch and inspire others, as well. It's been over a month since I last blogged and over the course of the last month and a half I have graduated from college, met the First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama, traveled from the Bay Area to Southern California, witnessed the California Supreme Court systematically strip civil rights away from the queer community, and grown much closer to my family and friends. It has been such an amazing month and half and I hope that it foreshadows what is to come for me this summer as well as in the fall.

My college graduation has been one of the greatest milestones of my life. I never would have dreamed that as I marched along with my graduating class I would be addressed by the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, who also happens to be the first African-American First Lady. I could never have dreamed that as a result of serving on the Dear Michelle Committee, the group of students who organized the campaign to recruit the First Lady, that I would have the opportunity to hug and shake the hand of the First Lady and to take a picture with her as well. I could never have dreamed that my college graduation from the University of California, Merced would be such a beautiful day with my family and friends full of so many amazing memories. Even three weeks later I am still in awe at the beauty of the day. I am eternally grateful to the University of California-Merced for providing me with countless memories, experiences, and opportunities for growth. I close this chapter in my life with sadness and happiness. It is truly one of the most bittersweet times for me as I must say goodbye to the friendships, relationships, and life that I have come to know for the past 4 years. I know that many of my friends will keep in touch but I also know that it will never be the same. It will never be like it was in college.

After graduation I spent 2 weeks in the San Francisco Bay Area with my Aunt and Uncle. It was a fun two weeks hanging out with my family up north, going out with my cousin, working out and jogging with my Aunt, and chatting with my Uncle, who is never one without many words. However, as I was preparing to leave three important events occurred. President Obama appointed Sonia Sotomayor as the first Latina Supreme Court Justice, the California Supreme Court voted 6-1 to uphold Proposition 8 in California, which declared same-sex marriage unconstitutional, and lastly President Obama declared June as Gay Pride Month and published an official proclamation along with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Each of these events was historic and impacted me personally.

After I left the Bay Area, I stopped in Merced for a bit and then headed down to Southern California where I met Jonathan and Alan at UCLA and we went running in the Hollywood Hills. I absolutely am in love with UCLA and Southern California in general. Beautiful weather, beautiful people. beautiful beaches. Everything is just beautiful. I spent the last week accompanying Jonathan to graduate classes in education, working out at the UCLA gym, and hanging out with my SoCal friends at UCLA and UCI. A few of my friends from UCM even came down for my friend Raj's 22nd birthday and to hang out in Southern California and Las Vegas.

This is my last week in Southern California before I begin my summer internship in Sacramento with the UC Center there. Hopefully I will be working in the District Attorney's Office or in the Legislative Office of a member of the State Assembly or State Senate. It should be an interesting experience as I have never lived and worked in Sacramento however, I am a little concerned as to how I will afford to intern in Sacramento for the summer. This is the first summer that I have not worked full-time and it will definitely be a financial strain, so much so that I may have to pick up a part-time job to make ends meet. Nevertheless, I am excited about spending the next 3 months of my life interning, learning, and meeting new people. I know that this summer is going to be a great one. However, I hope it goes by fast because I am so ready to begin grad school at UCLA in the fall, move into my new LA apt. with Jonathan and start my new life in Southern California.

There is so much going on in the world and I am anxious to begin to learn how I fit into this giant puzzle called life. I am ready to make my mark in this world however I am supposed to do so. I hope that I am ready for what lies ahead. I know that I am not done yet and there is still much growth that I must endure. As Michelle Obama said in her Commencement speech I know that there will be dark times that lie ahead and I that I am certain to face countless obstacles as a continue to progress into my purpose and fulfill my destiny. I am embracing the challenge and the growth that will come along with it and in so doing, hopefully I will continue to become a better, more whole, person.

I am well on my way to law school, becoming the top lawyer that I was designed to become, and becoming the influential political leader, author, teacher, and mentor that I was born to be. And despite the racist and insulting scoff by a certain white man at my very presence at Huntington Beach as an African-American graduate student at UCLA, I am confident and proud to be where I am today and no one and nothing can take that away from me or stop me from achieving my goals. This should be a very interesting summer.

Sincerely,

RKNJ
----------
Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
UCLA Graduate Student '11
M.A. Afro-American Studies

3 Weeks Until Graduation

The month of April has been so hectic, more so than I can ever remember. As it has barely been two months since my 22nd birthday so much has changed in the past fews weeks. It is 3 weeks until my college graduation and the emotion is already setting in as I am finally coming to the realization that after graduation I may never see many of the people that I have grown accustomed to ever again. All of the memories that I've made over the past 4 years are still firmly planted in my mind. I have had so many good times and experiences in college and it is going to be very difficult for me to leave and let all of that go. I never could have dreamed after the childhood that I had that I would grow up into the person that I am today.

These past 4 years have been the best times of my life and I will never forget UC Merced and the amazing people that I met here. I learned so much about who I am, what I'm capable of, and what I can do if I put my mind to something. This year particularly, with its ups and downs has still been an amazing year. Senior year in college. What a milestone. It's still so hard to believe that 4 years ago I was an 18 year old boy from Portsmouth, VA fresh off the plane. I was so different, so young, so naive. Hanging out with the freshman today is like looking into the mirror. That was me four years ago. It's crazy so think about where I've been and where I am now. I am really going to miss my friends. This is going to be one of the saddest three weeks of my life. Every event is a memory. I wonder what it's going to be like to come back to campus as an alumni. It's so hard to envision what UC Merced will look like in 5 or 10 years. I know that I won't even recognize the campus.

I just wish I could spend these last three weeks with my friends hanging out and not stressing about final assignments, papers, exams, and my thesis. Ugh! And I still have to work on a speech and figure out what I'm going to wear. It's just so much to do and so little time to do it. Not to mention dealing with family stuff and of course planning the graduation trip to Disneyland and LA. It sucks that we won't get to go back East to my cousin's medical school graduation but I guess it wasn't meant to be. At least I'll get to be here for grad week. I'm so excited for Michelle Obama's visit to campus and speech. I can't wait to see what she's wearing and hear what she has to say. I know it's going to be amazing. She is so inspirational!

I'm really excited about my summer internship in the District Attorney's office. I have a feeling I am going to be working my butt off and I can't wait. I hope I get a good financial aid package or I'm going to have get a part-time job to help pay for my summer living expenses. I wonder what I'm going to do when UC Sac ends because the program lets out in mid-August and grad school doesn't start up until late -September so either I could stay in Sac or head down to LA and try to find a part-time job on campus or just chill in the OC on the beach. I know after graduation I'm prolly going to hang around in Merced for a few weeks and work on campus in the Visitor Center and try to save up some money before I head to Sac for the summer.

I guess 3 weeks from graduation I am feeling a lot of different emotions. Sadness. Hopefulness. Anxiousness. Excitement. I know the ABC conference and graduation week is going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait to get my college ring, necklace, African stole, diploma, and degree. Then it will all feel real. 4 years of college. I am officially a college graduate. I am educated. Wow! Thank you mom and dad so much for giving me the tools I needed to succeed in life. What an amazing experience. I will really miss my underclassmen friends. I hope they can live up to the high standards that the Inaugural Class of 2009 set. We really raised the bar for our campus. I will definitely be coming back to visit the campus in the fall or either in the Spring of 2010. I wonder what ASUCM and AASA and MPLS and Prodigy will look like in a few years. Wow! So much to think about. So much change.

I still can't believe that I'm going to UCLA in the fall to start grad school. I'm so excited about my master's program in Afro-American studies. I know that I am going to learn so much about my culture, heritage, history, and self. It is really going to make me not only a better person, but a more marketable person, especially in law and politics. I still kinda wish I was doing a joint law program or just law school though. But I know I need more time to study for the LSAT and work on my resume if I plan to get into Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Cal, Columbia, NYU, Chicago, U Penn, Northwestern, Georgetown, UCLA, USC, Irvine, GWU, Emory, Hastings, Davis, San Diego, Santa Clara, UOP, and Howard. Hopefully, since my master's program is interdepartmental, I can take some law and public policy classes.

My hope is that in 5 years, after I finish law school and my master's I will be a scholar in race, law, and public policy issues and in a position to build a successful career in the private and public sector. I definitely know that I want to write, work on policy issues, practice law for several years, and eventually become a partner in a major law firm. After that the sky is the limit. Start my own firm. Publish my first national best seller. Run for Mayor of Los Angeles or Senator or Assemblymember in the State Legislature. Governor. And one day maybe run for president. There is so much that want to do with my life. I know J tells me all the time that it's great to have life goals but I need to focus on what I need to do today to get there. And that starts with me finishing my undergraduate degree requirements, sending in my background check application to the DA's office, contacting my student loans, and studying for the Law School Admissions Test. My goal is to get a 173. So I have a lot of work to do to get my score up a little more.

I can't wait to move down to LA in the fall. I'll be closer to my family, my love, and my heart. I was born to live in LA. I love that city so much. It's such an amazing place. Every time I go home for the weekend it's so hard to leave. The beautiful beaches. Malls. Restaurants. Nightlife. People. Culture. It's so much going on and it's so amazing and enchanting. I am so blessed. God has really been good to me. And my job is to make sure that I don't disappoint him. Too much that is. Time to get to work. Until next time,

RKNJ

My Daily Affirmations

These are my daily affirmations that I use to positively impact my mental, psychological, and emotional well-being. They are designed to assist me in developing the mentality that I will need to be successful in the present and the future. Through positive affirmation I will speak into existence the life that I deserve.

I am happy, wealthy, secure, and successful.

My life is wonderful and exciting because I am able to wake up everyday and do what I am passionate about.

I am a humble public servant and will always put the greater good before my own self interests.

I am a brilliant, handsome, strong, and muscular black man.

I am a proud activist dedicated to positive social change, equality, and social justice.

I am articulate, charming, compassionate, kind, and likable.

I am diligent, determined, ambitious, gifted, talented, and wonderfully made.

I am blessed by my heavenly father and have abundant good will.

Because of my generous and sincere spirit everything and everyone around me is positive supportive and caring.

I am unstoppable in my fierce determination and am destined for greatness.

The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want because I am blessed in the glorious name of my Savior Jesus Christ.

My future is bright and amazing opportunities come easily to me.

I am a logical analytical and thoughtful student.

I am in preparation for an ivy league graduate, professional and legal education.

I will be financially smart and manage my income, assets, and liabilities effectively and efficiently to build and sustain wealth.

I am an outstanding scholar, leader, teacher, and role model and have a responsibility to mentor and guide others.

My family and friends are happy, healthy,, wealthy, and secure and everything I do for them will be returned to me tenfold.

God is in control of my life and is directing my path.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I will make wise decisions that will positively impact my future.

Sincerely,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Reflections on my UCLA Acceptance and Success in General

So if you may or may not have heard, I was recently admitted into my top-choice Graduate program at UCLA (Master of Arts in Afro-American Studies). Aside from containing my incredible excitement over the rapid developments of the next phase in my life, I have been bombarded with studying for my Sociology of Gender midterm and reflecting on what this will mean for me, my career, my family, my friends, and essentially my life. While I am certainly excited to be pursuing my Master's and getting ready to study for the LSAT and apply to law school I am definitely scared, nervous, anxious, apprehensive which I'm sure many will be surprised to know. Although I appear to be the quintessential overachiever I most certainly have my weak moments and I suppose success in any aspect of life has the tendency to make even the most confident people a little overly analytical.

I suppose I will start with what this will mean for my career. This spring I will finish my Bachelor's Degree requirements at UC Merced and graduate with honors as a member of the inaugural class of 2009. If everything goes according to plan, our First Lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama will deliver the key-note address at our Commencement Ceremony and after graduation I will move to Los Angeles to take graduate classes at UCLA during the summer and work in a legal non-profit, law firm, or legislative office on some social justice cause that I am hopefully at least somewhat passionate or interested in. I will begin the fall quarter on September 22 and officially start as a Graduate Student at UCLA, where I will immediately make a name for myself on the campus and especially among the law faculty with the hopes of being admitted into the law school in 2011. I will complete my Master's Thesis while studying for the LSAT (taking the test in June 2010), gaining more experience, working and hopefully saving money, paying off most of my car, and hopefully getting graduate housing on campus or my own place in Westwood (or the surrounding communities).

Next is the inevitable effect on my family, or should I say the lack of effect on my family. I suppose the biggest negative aspect of me getting accepted is the lack of emotional support and positive encouragement from my family (father, mother, sister primarily). It's not that I need their support or that I need validation from them or anything of that nature. It's more a matter of principle. I mean I know that my getting accepted to graduate school has no direct affect on them, per say. However, I think that it would have been appropriate at least to pretend to be excited for me, if in fact, that wasn't the actual case. J made an interesting point, that it's difficult to be emotionally supportive of someone else when it seems that everything is not in place in one's own life. Nigeria then made an additional point that sometimes even family succumbs to jealously especially when it seems like some members of the family are progressing while other are stuck in a rut. Both of these issues are bothering me and a source of concern especially in the family dimension of my life. I want my family life to be healthier than it is but when I am interacting with my family I often feel like whatever I do will make the situation worse, even my success. I suppose my idealistic hope was that if I made something of myself, not only would my family be proud of me, but it would also bring us all together and make us happier in our own individual lives. That is proving to be a strategic flaw in my reasoning.

My friends, peers, associates, etc. have been very supportive and I am very grateful to have such encouraging people in my life who care about me and my well-being and who are kind enough to offer their congratulatory remarks, words of praise, and support. This means so much to me, more than any of them will probably ever know. Although many of them often tell me how inspirational I am, what they fail to realize is that they are my true source of inspiration and empowerment and they are the ones who continue to drive and motivate me to succeed in my endeavors and in my life. One of my friends from high school in particular said something to me that really touched me and although it was the simplest statement it meant volumes. Sometimes in life, the simplest things mean the most. Birthdays, Holidays, Anniversary's, Graduations, Acceptances, Awards. They all are meaningless in and of themselves but have the power to mean so much if we let them. I am thankful to have some of the most caring and supportive friends in my life that bring me so much joy and happiness. You all complete me and it is my hope that wherever life takes us, we will always continue to provide each other love, laughter, and life. I truly wish you all the best!

Lastly, my life. This amazing vessel that I have been given to do with whatever I so choose. What an amazing blessing. When God created the earth, he truly blessed us beyond belief to be able to exist on such an amazing place. Despite all of its flaws, the gift of life on earth is a gift to which we can never repaid. It is the ultimate gift and one to which each day I wake up and attempt to do something worthy of having such a gift. My only hope for my life is that I can live up to my destiny and truly find my purpose, whatever that is supposed to be. This acceptance means so much for my life, more than the UCLA faculty in the Afro-American Studies Department could ever know. This acceptance reaffirms my life: the reason why I exist as an African-American man and member of the LGBT community. This acceptance signifies to me that my choices, desires, interests, goals in life are valid and that I do deserve to live, to breathe, to fight, and to succeed.

My future is still a blurry and distant image but this acceptance signifies to me that it is becoming more and more clear each and everyday. I am a college graduate and in the fall I will be a graduate student pursuing a Master's degree in Afro-American Studies. In 2010, I will apply to about 20 law schools around the country in hopes of becoming an attorney, working in corporate, civil rights, and public interest law, starting my own law firm, writing a best-selling autobiography/self-help book, and becoming a political leader/social activist/educator. These are my dreams, this is my future, now is the time to make it my reality. It is my deep and abiding hope that success in each of these dimensions of my life is achieved through my faith, my love, and through some miraculous act of God!

Love, hope, and peace,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.
UCLA Graduate Student
Interdepartmental Program in Afro-American Studies
Class of 2011
rnickens@ucla.edu

A Life of Illusions: My Obsession With Image

As I reflect back on my undergraduate experience, I see a person who has grown and transformed in so many ways. My Freshman year in college seems like a distance memory as I am now preparing for the next phase in my life. Today I sit in my Sociology class as a young man who has gained so many skills, talents, and experience but who has also developed so many coping mechanisms that are counterproductive. One of which is my obsession with image. Since I met J my eyes have been opened to a world of opportunities, and my conception of fashion has particularly changed drastically. I don't know exactly when it was that something clicked inside of me, but ever since I have subconsciously been conflicted with an intense desire to present this perfect image of myself to my classmates, faculty, staff, and community. In so doing, I have made myself into someone who is cold, materialistic, and superficial. I have become obsessed with doing whatever is necessary to compensate for what I feel are insecurities or weaknesses in my life.

I am troubled by this need in me to dress a certain way, to carry myself a certain way, to drive a certain car a certain way, and to appear a certain way. Although I understand that appearance is important, I don't want that to be what defines me as a person. I am so much more than a pretty face in nice clothes. I want people to judge me because of the person I am on the inside. I want to be known as a true leader, one who talks the talk and walks the walk and exemplifies the life of a public servant who is selfless, giving, honest, and has integrity, character, and ethics. And although I am aware of the fact that I do like nice things, material objects, care about my appearance, and that I need to carry myself a certain way to succeed in my career, I don't want to be known or perceived as just another crooked lawyer, self-serving politician, or "sell-out." This is very important to me as an African-American male from the South, although I grew up in a very middle-class background, my experiences after my parents separated allowed me to appreciate the values and morals that I gained as a result of our family having to struggle financially to make ends meet.

Additionally, seeing this, also influenced in me the need to do something with my life to help people like me who came from such underprivileged backgrounds. However, the person that I am today, and the person that I am continuing to grow into is not that same person who left home at the age of 18 to make something better of myself. I have become this obsessed with my new image and my ego has grown through the roof. I am no longer the humble, kind, giving person that I was who just wanted to do something positive with my life and make a difference in my community. I have become so consumed with my external self, that instead of being able to help people with my personality I have become almost completely unrelatable, arrogant, and elitist. I have become all of the things that I despised in my peers in high school.

My challenge now moving forward in my life is overcoming this and humbling myself as I prepare for graduation and graduate/professional school. From my studies and conversations with my peers I have come to the conclusion that this is one of the natural stages in the lives of college students, especially those who come from minority or immigrant backgrounds where they are the first-generation in their family to attend college or graduate school. I suppose that this is one of the side-effects of pursuing the American dream. In attaining social mobility and becoming more "American," you become a stranger in your own family and community.

However, I know that despite all of my ambitions and goals for my professional career, at the center of my life will always be my morals and values and the things that ground me: my relationship with God, my significant other, my family, and my friends. These things must remain balanced in my life for me to remain truly happy, healthy, secure, and successful. The problem, I suppose is that they are not balanced; especially my family and personal life and I don't know what I can do to bring balance or to help facilitate more balance so in turn I have learned to focus on my ambitions and goals and essentially myself. While, this is not the most terrible thing in the world to do, the way in which you do it, is absolutely critical, especially to how the world perceives you.

My issue with myself is about how I view myself. Because of my experiences I have had to shut down the vulnerable Rodney because of whatever reasons and to hide my emotions or to make myself appear as if I don't value emotions although that's not the case. I absolutely do value emotions and it's not that I view them as a sign of weakness but that's just not the typical way that I express myself. Also I feel like I can't talk about my problems or my life issues because. It is very difficult for me to open up to people especially about personal issues in my life. I suppose this is also why I have had some difficulty with my relationships and friendships.

Next, because I have been relatively successful in the last four years, with so much stacked against me, I have placed myself on a pedestal so to speak where I feel as if, if I was able to overcome so many obstacles and trials and still accomplish so much, then why can't you? This has made me particularly cocky, patronizing, and condescending especially to those I personally feel are not living up to their potential. Lastly, I believe that the pressure that I feel from my family, society, my peers etc. has enabled me to develop this image of a over-achiever who is essentially perfect. I don't know why I feel the need to behave this way, but I would like change it. I want to be more humble and I want to be a genuine person who is authentic, honest, personable, and down-to-earth, but how do I reconcile this with my obsession with presenting a positive, fashionable, glamorous image? Can I continue to live a life of illusions presenting a picture-perfect life and not showing weakness or emotion? What will it take to knock me off my high? When does one begin to pat ones self on the back a bit too much? Will there be any long-term effects to me continuing to disregard my emotions and inner-feelings? These are all questions that I will be asking myself in the days and weeks to come. It is my hope that before I have to experience a traumatic event or incident I will be able to change these habits that I feel are so counterproductive. Looking forward to the future, I know that if I make these changes in my personal life, I will no doubt be able to continue to succeed in my professional life and beyond.

Here's to making 2009 the most divine!

Sincerely,

RKNJ

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.

Love, Hope, Peace.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world!"

Closing One Chapter and Beginning Another

So in a few days I'll be leaving Washington, D.C. and heading back to Los Angeles, CA to return to my new life and close the chapter, at least temporarily to my DC experience. Obviously I am so humbled to have had the opportunity to intern this fall with the Congressional Black Caucus and to work in the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division's Voting Section. Honestly, though, coming to the end of this experience is bittersweet. This is such a profound time in my life, in the life of our country. So much is going on right now in the world and everyday I am trying to take it in a little more. I am saddened by what is going on right now, especially in Illinois with the scandal that has engulfed Governor Blagojevich. Nevertheless, the sadness that I feel cannot replace the happiness that I have inside for having completed this accomplishment successfully. I am going to definitely miss so much about Washington, the people that I've met, the friendships rekindled, the UCDC center and not having hot water for like 3 days! This was a phenomenal experience, a bit longer than I thought it would be, but nevertheless I once in a lifetime opportunity. I am excited and a bit anxious for what lies ahead as I close this chapter in my life and began another.

I cannot believe that I am about to end the first semester of final year at UC Merced. The time has definitely went by incredibly too fast. I will 22 in a few months and everything is happening so fast. So far I've applied to several Graduate Schools: UCLA, Cal State Long Beach, Claremont, and I'm still working on Cal Poly San Luis Obisbo, Cal State Sacramento, San Francisco State, and I am still deciding, albeit with 5 days and counting, whether or not I should throw my hat to UC Berkeley. Mostly I'm applying to Public Administration and Public Policy Programs with a few Ethnic/Cultural/African-American Studies programs thrown in there as well. It's amazing how much I've come as a scholar in my career. After doing a lot of reflection, research and deep thought I decided that right now law school was not the right thing for me and that I would rather gain more experience and research skills before I embarked on that journey. I definitely think I am making the right decision. I am also applying to the Cal Assembly/Senate Fellows programs so hopefully everything works out.

This spring I am going to be working on my Senior Thesis, hopefully on the history of voting/civil rights barriers for African-Americans and other minorities, taking one last history class and a sociology class as well. I'm also excited because I was offered a legislative internship position in Modesto this spring as well, and a $1000 scholarship to go with it and so this spring is looking very exciting and if all goes according to plan I will finish with honors and then go abroad to South Africa or participate in the UC Sacramento Internship Program. I'm also in the running to be an RA for the Summer Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Internship Program. There's a lot going on in my life right now and I am full speed ahead to what will hopefully be a successful career in public service. Lately I've been finding myself feeling like there is more that I could or should be doing.

During my internship I had to opportunity to work with Horton's Kids, non-profit here in DC that serves disadvantaged youth in the Anacostia neighborhood. It was a humbling experience, although short-lived and I really felt like I was making a positive difference. It really instilled in me a desire to work with children and Jonathan said that I could use my political and legal skills to instill in them a desire to pursue careers in public service and law. That is something I could see myself becoming really passionate about. I know Michelle Obama worked on a project similar to that in Chicago. There are so many opportunities out there that I would like to take advantage of. Right now my number one priority is trying to make my resume as beautiful and impressive as possible.


Despite these difficult economic times, I am looking to our President-elect and his beautiful family and I have hope. I am hopeful that my future will be bright and that I will use all of the skills and talents that I've been blessed with to help make this world a little better than it was. I'm also finding myself feeling more and more paternal with each passing day. Although I'm three months shy of 22 I can already envision my life as a father, a mentor, and a teacher. It's something about the sparkle in a child's eye that makes my heart melt until the day that I will have one to call my own. Nevertheless I know that I am in no financial or mental state to be thinking about children but I suppose a guy can dream. One day hopefully. One day soon. As for now I am going to happily close this chapter in my life entitled "My Introduction to Washington, D.C. and close it for the next chapter, "Leaving UC Merced." What an exciting and challenging next few years I will have before me. More Internships, Graduate School, Law School, Fellowships, Externships, Clerkships, and Life in the Real World. Here's to hoping that the next four years will be as amazing and thrilling as the last four.

Best wishes for a safe and happy holiday season and a prosperous New Year!

Always,

Rodney K. Nickens Jr.